Who Are The “Real” Female Narcissists? The Answer Will Surprise You

They tend to exhibit extreme “pick me” tendencies.

Thought Catalog

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Wesley Davi

By Shahida Arabi

The female narcissist is shrouded in stereotypes: the femme fatale, the self-absorbed selfie-taker, the materialistic frequent shopper, and the black widow. While it’s true that female narcissists can be vain, focus on their appearance and use their sexuality to garner attention, these traits on their own don’t necessarily mean they are full-fledged narcissists. Even if they are, these are usually not the most harmful traits which make them dangerous to others.

Research indicates that partners and relatives of narcissistic people are subjected to a distinct pattern of harmful behaviors associated with their narcissistic traits. These include behaviors related to attention-seeking and admiration-seeking, arrogant or haughty attitudes, envy and jealousy, devaluation of others, narcissistic rage and vengefulness. In addition, a recent meta-analytic review of 437 studies indicated that narcissism is associated with multiple forms of bullying and aggression — including unprovoked aggression. The female narcissist is no exception.

While vanity and self-absorption can still certainly be part of their repertoire, the “real” female narcissists of the world aren’t always necessarily the ones checking themselves out in the mirror or posting scantily clad selfies. They’re usually the ones going out of their way to bully the women they’re envious of and threatened by. Not only do they exploit and abuse their romantic partners, but they also target both their female friends and strangers with unprecedented cruelty. Female narcissists attempt to steal the spotlight to compete with other women they perceive as a threat and diminish the confidence of their children — especially their own daughters. They sabotage talented coworkers in the workplace to climb the corporate ladder, defend abusers and predators while shaming their victims, interfere in the relationships of their female friends to “one-up” them, and pursue partnered men as a lifestyle.

These behaviors go beyond “regular” internalized misogyny and can be chronic, sadistic, deliberate and calculated. The key in distinguishing between “just” an insecure woman and a…

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