The Real Reasons Your Toxic Ex Keeps Crawling Back — According To Research

Thought Catalog
7 min readOct 29, 2019
@zubeyda.ismailova

Ever wonder why the person who mistreated you seemed to pursue you relentlessly after the relationship was over? Why your emotionally unavailable ex-partners seemed to be the most “available” after you left them?

Although people stay friends with their exes for a variety of reasons, when a toxic ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend reaches out, there’s usually something deeper going on than just “missing” their former partners. One of the biggest misconceptions people have is that if their ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend reached out, it must bebecause they truly love and miss them. They desperately want to believe in the illusion that a friendship with their ex-partner or some other dubious arrangement will fulfill their needs long-term. They may hope that this second chance provides a pathway for their ex to finally morph into the ideal partner.

While there are people who can be friends with their ex-partners (usually after they’ve taken the time to heal), when it comes to a toxic relationship where a person has continually demeaned you, the fantasy of establishing an idyllic friendship after a break-up is far from the harsh reality. After all, when someone has been a toxic relationship partner, it’s doubtful that he or she will be that great of a friend.

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