Signs You Have An Avoidant Attachment Style (And How To Cope)

Let’s talk about attachment theory.

Thought Catalog
4 min readMay 26


Ozan Çulha

By Kelly Peacock

Let’s talk about attachment theory.

More specifically though, avoidant attachment.

When it comes to relationships, there are 4 kinds of attachment: secure, anxious, fearful, and avoidant. If you’ve ever dated someone who was emotionally unavailable or you felt as if you were a bit emotionally unavailable yourself, then that is avoidant attachment.

Here are the signs you are avoidant — or dismissive — and how to cope with it (or make necessary changes):

Signs of Avoidant Attachment —

You’re not emotionally intimate or vulnerable.

It makes you uncomfortable to talk about your feelings and so you avoid it at all costs. If someone tries to get deep with you, you either shut down or distance yourself from them.

You would prefer your relationships to be more surface-level and even just platonic. People you’ve been intimate with might consider you to be shallow, even, because of this.

You’re very independent.

Like, fiercely self-reliant.

You prefer to do things on your own and you never ask for help, even if you’re struggling and in need of assistance. To you, asking for help makes you seem weak.

Not only are you not the type to sit in a therapy session or ask your friend for advice, but you are incredibly career-driven. You’re motivated to be successful and capable on your own, and while that is a great quality to have, you put your career before your relationships. You’d rather have a successful career, your dream body, the most beautiful home, and healthy everyday routines rather than even consider the possibility of a relationship. That is the least of your concerns.

You avoid conflict.

This goes back to not asking others for help. When conflict arises, you withdrawal. Not only that, but you deny any problems being there in the first place. You just don’t want to deal with it, so you pretend it doesn’t exist or that…



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