8 Sinister Micro-Habits Of The Female Narcissist In Friendships

They devalue and discard you once you’re no longer “useful” to them.

Thought Catalog
6 min readSep 22

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Lany-Jade Mondou

By Shahida Arabi

As a researcher specializing in narcissism and psychopathy, I’ve written before about the manipulation tactics of female narcissists and how they can affect their loved ones in majorly harmful ways. Yet there are even more subtle signals you may be dealing with a female narcissist that you might not notice at first until they culminate. Here are insidious micro-habits of a female narcissist’s aggressive behavior and how they can be displayed more covertly, especially in friendships.

They pit people against one another covertly under the guise of concern. You may only notice these micro-betrayals when you see the reactions of others.

A skilled female narcissist doesn’t just spread gossip or rumors. She suggests what she wants people to believe about you under the guise of faux concern. That way, she can depict herself as a caring and compassionate friend rather than a cold-blooded snake all too willing to throw you under the bus for the validation of others. She’ll seem all too kind-hearted when she expresses her worry over your mental health and dating life to your social circles, or tell another friend you were gossiping about them when you weren’t. In reality, she is envious of how likable and popular you are and is hoping to plant seeds of doubt in everyone’s minds about your personality, capabilities, and assets so she can find or retain her “Queen Bee” status. That is why you may only “notice” her relationally aggressive behavior in the suddenly abrupt changes in the friends around you. If you notice your friends seem uncomfortable when you walk into a room whereas before they greeted you warmly, it may be because the female narcissist has told them something false about you to give them pause.

They take on your identity — starting in subtle ways.

When we think of the female narcissist, we think of movies like Single White Female or The Roommate. A sinister woman who starts wearing our clothes, stealing our jewelry…

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