5 Concrete Signs You’re Not In Love, You’re In A Trauma Bond

A trauma bond is a bond that forms out of betrayal, danger, as well as hot and cold behavior.

Thought Catalog

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Julia Kolchigina

By Shahida Arabi

A trauma bond is a bond that forms out of betrayal, danger, as well as hot and cold behavior. You feel addicted to the person who has harmed you and feel compelled to seek their approval and maintain the relationship. This is because a trauma bond with a narcissist or otherwise toxic person trains you to look out for your sense of survival rather than your best interest. You may fear retaliation from the toxic person or have an unhealthy dependence on them because of the way they have love bombed you, only to withdraw from you. Throughout the relationship, you’re conditioned to believe that you “need” the toxic person. Here are five signs you need to look out for to know that you’re not in love, you’re “just” trauma-bonded.

1. You know they’re deceptive and conniving, but you can’t seem to let go.

You may be a rational, discerning person who sees through all of this person’s mind games and attempts to manipulate you. You may very well know that you’re being unjustly mistreated. You may even hold some unresolved anger and resentment towards this person for violating you. Yet whenever you attempt to leave, this toxic person throws you a few crumbs of affection and you are more than willing to mistake it for the entire loaf of bread. Whenever they’re kind, you doubt yourself. You’re gaslighted into believing that they really do want the best for you, even while they’re busy serving their own self-interest.

2. You do everything to please them and are loyal to a fault, even when they give you nothing in return but pain.

Despite the fact that this person has terrorized you time and time again, you’ve lost your grasp on reality. They hurt you, time and time again, yet you’re always ready and willing to take them back at the first sign of their remorse or a hint of their attention. Like a frog in slowly boiling water, you’ve grown accustomed to the heat to a point where it’s become deadly. You find yourself…

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