5 Concrete Signs You’re Not In Love, You’re In A Trauma Bond

A trauma bond is a bond that forms out of betrayal, danger, as well as hot and cold behavior.

Thought Catalog
4 min readNov 21, 2023
Julia Kolchigina

By Shahida Arabi

A trauma bond is a bond that forms out of betrayal, danger, as well as hot and cold behavior. You feel addicted to the person who has harmed you and feel compelled to seek their approval and maintain the relationship. This is because a trauma bond with a narcissist or otherwise toxic person trains you to look out for your sense of survival rather than your best interest. You may fear retaliation from the toxic person or have an unhealthy dependence on them because of the way they have love bombed you, only to withdraw from you. Throughout the relationship, you’re conditioned to believe that you “need” the toxic person. Here are five signs you need to look out for to know that you’re not in love, you’re “just” trauma-bonded.

1. You know they’re deceptive and conniving, but you can’t seem to let go.

You may be a rational, discerning person who sees through all of this person’s mind games and attempts to manipulate you. You may very well know that you’re being unjustly mistreated. You may even hold some unresolved anger and resentment towards this…

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