4 Things You Don’t Realize They’re Doing Because They’re A Covert Narcissist
Appearing vulnerable, innocent, humble, and preying on your sympathy early on.
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By Shahida Arabi
Covert or more vulnerable narcissists betray the traditional depiction of what we assume narcissists look like. They can appear more hypersensitive, shy, and even innocent. This is ultimately what makes them so dangerous — you rarely ever see them coming.
Appearing vulnerable, innocent, humble, and preying on your sympathy early on.
As psychologist Dr. Martha Stout notes, “The most reliable sign, the most universal behavior of unscrupulous people is not directed, as one might imagine, at our fearfulness. It is, perversely, an appeal to our sympathy.” She goes on to say that if the devil did exist, he would likely want us to feel sorry for him. There’s no bigger “victim” than a covert narcissist — even if the people they target have complex trauma histories that could easily “surpass” theirs. What lures their potential victims in so effectively is the façade covert narcissists put on. At the beginning of the relationship, they may express that they are insecure, fragile, depressed, anxious, struggling, and searching for true love. They might pretend to be humble, even though they’ll later become contemptuous and condescending toward you, lashing out at any perceived slight or threat to their need for superiority. They will ask you to play the smallest violin for them as they orchestrate long-winded monologues about the heartbreaking betrayals they’ve experienced at the hands of their exes (betrayals you later found out were either actually instigated by them or represent a severe distortion of what truly happened). Just as serial killer Ted Bundy used a crutch and faked an injury to bait his victims into helping him, the covert narcissist pretends to be a wounded bird to get you to nurse him or her back to health — only to find out that they lash out and punish those who show them kindness.
