4 Concrete Signs You Shouldn’t Take Your Ex Back

You’ve rebuilt a life without them, and it took a while.

Thought Catalog
3 min readSep 13


Diego Tenreiro

By Holly Riordan

It’s tempting to get back together with exes, especially when they show up at your doorstep promising that things are going to be different this time. Even though you want to believe them, there’s a chance that they’re saying what you want to hear, that they aren’t actually going to rise to your expectations. Here are some signs that you shouldn’t take your ex back, no matter how much they beg:

They refuse to take responsibility for the ways they’ve hurt you in the past.

If they want to get back together, but they don’t want to acknowledge all the ways they’ve hurt you in the past and apologize, then they probably haven’t grown as much as they’re claiming. Plus, if you don’t deal with your old problems, then they’re going to pop up again. Time doesn’t magically change bad behaviors. People choose whether or not they’re going to change their behaviors. If your ex is acting exactly the same as they did during the relationship, then you’ll end up breaking up for the same reasons and having the same fights.

They are using dirty, manipulative tactics to get you back.

You shouldn’t let anyone guilt trip you into getting into a relationship with them. You don’t owe this person anything, so don’t feel obligated to accept their apology and give them another chance. Even if you really do forgive them for what they’ve done in the past, that doesn’t mean that you need to get back together with them. You can forgive them while recognizing that it’s best for you to stay apart. After all, if they’re trying to manipulate you into taking them back, the manipulation won’t end there. They’re going to keep using these tactics throughout the relationship — and you deserve so much better than that.

They want different things than you want.

Some relationships are never going to work, no matter how much you love each other, because you want different things out of life. If your idea of a perfect future doesn’t align with theirs, then getting back together will only cause more heartbreak. Either you’ll be forced to go through another breakup sometime in the future, or one of you…



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