12 Reasons Why Independent Women Have A Harder Time Falling In Love
1. She can forget to let people be there for her.
Sh’es the first to say things like, “It’s fine,” or, “Don’t worry about it.” It’s because she is a natural problem solver, and it doesn’t occur to her to ask for someone’s opinion or thoughts before diving right in. When falling in love, you need to be able to open up and be vulnerable. And in order to be vulnerable? She has to let people in.
2. She’d rather just doing something herself, rather than ask for help.
When you’re independent, or a girl who is used to being on her own, it can be difficult to remember that you don’t have to march through life by yourself 100% of the time. Because she’s independent, she’s naturally inclined to just handle problems without even telling anyone that there WAS a problem in the first place. She needs to remember to let other people step in, to let them help. Because a relationship is just that: two people. And not allowing them to be there will only keep her alone even longer.
3. She can be nit-picky.
Perfectionist, anal retentive, “type A.” Basically, she is used to (and prefers) being able to execute things exactly the way she envisions them. Are her standards high? Yep. Is she going to lower them? Likely not. Rather than expecting her to lower her standards, she needs to learn to adapt. Only then will she be able to let down her walls and truly fall in love.
4. She knows exactly who she is.
So many people out there look at falling in love and being in a relationship as the thing that completes them. The thing that takes them from 75 to a full 100% person. She’s not like that at all. She is a full, complete, happy person with or without someone to text good morning to when she wakes up. Falling in love is probably not even on her radar, which makes it ultimately more surprising and difficult for it to happen.
5. She can be stubborn to an actual fault.
She has operated on her own for so long and so efficiently and effectively that she doesn’t typically want to listen or bend when confronted with things she disagrees with. In her mind it’s her life, and she knows best. She can admittedly be difficult, and not many people have the patience for that side of her personality.
6. She doesn’t have room in her life for “just anybody.”
She has herself, she has her work, she has her friends. And all of those people hold very specific, very purposeful places in her life. Adding into that circle isn’t a little thing to her — it’s a big deal. She’s methodical with her relationships, intentional with the people she opens up to and with. If you’re a one time person, she has no time for you. And that’s just the brutally honest truth.
7. She takes her time and herself seriously, and doesn’t want to waste it.
She can have a bit of an “all work and no play” mindset, but it’s less about never loosening up and more about being incredibly focused, and extremely diligent with where she extends her energy. However, that due diligence can leave little room for new things and new people in her life, and can make it difficult for her to divert from her game plan, and allow for new experiences (like love).
8. She feels deeply, but rarely shows it.
She’s the queen of compartmentalization, a master at hiding her emotions. She probably is under the impression that her emotions are best left to her own care, her own devices. She deals with them herself and never lets someone else see what’s going on. But in order to fall for someone, you have to be comfortable with those emotions, and with letting them out and about. Which is something she has to learn and grow comfortable at doing.
9. She sets goals for herself, and will not stop until they’re accomplished.
She can get tunnel vision to a certain extent. And when you are so focused on a project or a task at hand and aren’t looking left and right, you will miss the things passing you by. Even if those things have to do with love and relationships.
10. She needs a partner, not a significant other.
She doesn’t need a “better half” or a “soulmate.” She needs someone who can run just as pointedly and diligently right alongside her without wavering, faltering, or being intimidated by her speed and determination. She needs a teammate, a co-pilot. And those are much harder to find than just a boyfriend or girlfriend. It’s a deeper thing; that’s what she’ll ultimately fall for.
11. She is her own first priority.
She is not one of those people who will drop everything for someone else. She’s not wired to make a person her number one. She believes in her ability have categories, and delegate her focus. If someone expects to be her everything, it’s very likely that instead, they’ll be nothing.
12. She has to remember to compromise.
She knows she’s not perfect. She knows she’s difficult. But she needs to remember to acknowledge that, and meet people in the middle instead of walking all over them. But when she finds some who’s able to handle her, with all of her idiosyncrasies and bad habits and walls, she’ll stop. She’ll double take. She’ll divert off path. She’ll bend. And then, and only then, will she really fall in love.
Kendra Syrdal is an editor and publishing partner based in Seattle. For more of her work, follow her on Instagram.