10 Ways To Subtly Sabotage Your Relationship And Bait Your Partner Into Dumping You

Liza Summer

By Mélanie Berliet

1. Move to an unlivable apartment or home.

If you’re already cohabiting, things are obviously pretty serious, which makes having that breakup convo even more daunting. One effective way to get the breakup gears in motion without actually saying anything is to downsize to a barely livable situation that makes you both borderline miserable. All you have to do is claim that you really want to save money (“For your future together!” if you’re THAT evil) before relocating to a place that’s extremely small and/or run down and/or remotely located from everything and everyone you know and love. Trust me that within three months you’ll want to rip each other’s heads off so your partner is bound to run away — leaving you, smiling wide, in the dusty hellhole you insisted on moving to behind.

2. Casually mention that you never want to get married.

As an adult, the act of dating becomes a sort of tryout for marriage. Once you make it past the six month mark, you better believe the idea of tying the knot crosses your significant other’s mind roughly fifty million times per millisecond. That notion freak you out? Not to worry! There’s a simple way out of most early stage long-term relationships: Simply claim that you never ever want to get hitched. You can cite your parents’ ugly divorce or your general aversion towards all things conventional as your reasoning. Whatever anti-nuptial assertion you make, trust that it will send your partner packing in no time.

3. Tell your partner that you never want kids.

Another way to repel a mate is to randomly profess your total lack of desire to have children. Even if your partner isn’t really the childrearing type, they’ll quietly begin to wonder WHY you don’t want to procreate with them. What’s wrong with me, they’ll think. Why is this person I’m seeing so adamant about not merging our DNA? Why am I not more desirable to them??? This strategy works especially well during your 20s, when even those who’re hesitant about spawning a mini-me haven’t yet decided with 100 percent certainty that they don’t want kids. Most young…